Heather Havrilesky is being honest about her marriage in a new memoir called Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage. The author opened up about how she hates her husband and called him “a smelly heap of laundry,” and a “Lego brick underfoot.” But – surprise! – she has no plans to divorce him.

Havrilesky and her husband, Bill, have been married since 2006. They met after Bill Havrilesky sent her a letter praising her work for her New York magazine “Ask Polly” column. According to Heather Havrilesky, she wanted to write an honest memoir about their marriage.

“The reason I wrote the book in the first place is in our culture we love to tell stories about falling in love,” she told the Times. “There are a lot less stories and books and movies about actually making a relationship work over the long haul. I just kept picking up books about marriage and then throwing them across the room,” she added. “They just felt so false.”

Heather Havrilesky Hates her Husband
Heather Havrilesky hates her husband. The author explained why in her new memoir, Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage. (Credit: Instagram)

In her memoir, the mother of two calls marriage insane and says that anyone whose goal is to live a life of cohabitation is a “masochist.” She says, “It’s insane and completely deluded to set out to try to stay with the same person until you’re dead, and the madness of the venture creates comedy at every turn, because obviously we fail and disappoint ourselves all the time.”

The author adds that a successful marriage ends in death, because a “marriage’s assignment,” is to be together until one spouse dies. “The assignment, after all, is to stay together until you die. Once one spouse perishes, the marriage has succeeded. Death signals victory,” said Heather Havrilesky.

The journalist admitted that she was worried about what her husband and kids would think about the book. Bill Havrilesky said that he doesn’t care what people think of them and supports his wife’s book. The couple says that they are very honest with each other and that is what has helped their marriage stand the test of time.

In her memoir, Heather Havrilesky says it took 10 years for her to get used to Bill’s quirks. She finally realized she couldn’t change him or the person she became while married to him.

Heather Havrilesky Hates Her Husband
Heather Havrilesky’s new memoir explores the difficulties of marriage and calls her husband a “smelly heap of laundry.” (Credit: Shutterstock.com)

In an interview with Bustle, Heather Havrilesky said that accepting your partner’s flaws is important for a successful marriage. Love and attraction might be important at the start of the relationship, but the author says that love can cause insecurity in a relationship.

She said, “It’s understandable to be swept away by your passion for someone. Everyone loves that feeling. But part of the feeling is insecurity. The feeling is, ‘Will I really get to keep this?’ The feeling is, ‘Does this person really love me as much as I love them?’ And that’s just a suspenseful dramatic thing that turns all of us on. I think the real challenge is finding someone who sees you clearly and cares about the details and wants to hear the crazy sh*t in your brain and also just enjoys being with you and enjoys doing a lot of the same things that you like doing.”

She added:”But the thing that you can’t control is that this motherf*cker is gonna be annoying in ways that you have no control over and will never fix. And that’s part of the package.”

While Heather Havrilesky “hates her husband” and the idea of a “perfect marriage,” she does say that some parts of marriage are amazing and magical. She says, “I hate it when people say their husband is their best friend, but he is my best friend, my therapist and my mother in one.”